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December 2025 - Minaz Jivraj My Take: The Unwritten Curriculum - How Parenting, Accountability, and Eroding Values Fuel the School Violence Crisis

  • Writer: Minaz Jivraj
    Minaz Jivraj
  • Dec 9
  • 9 min read

The hallways of today’s schools, once sanctuaries of curiosity and connection, have become increasingly tense. Physical altercations caught on camera, the viral spread of bullying videos, and tragic acts of school violence have created an atmosphere of unease and mistrust. The instinctive public response often focuses narrowly on schools: demanding more security measures, stricter discipline, or the dismissal of “ineffective” teachers. Yet this lens obscures a deeper, societal crisis that does not originate within institutions of learning but is merely reflected by them. The roots of the behavioral crisis in schools can be traced to shifts in parenting styles, the decline of personal accountability, and the corrosion of collective values that once upheld community order.

If classrooms mirror the moral health of a society, then it is our collective reflection that has darkened. To confront the rise in violent or antisocial school behavior, communities must examine not only institutional policies but also household practices and cultural norms. This analysis explores five primary causes, ranging from permissive and authoritarian parenting extremes to media-induced desensitization and the erosion of teacher authority, and argues that reversing these trends requires coordinated efforts in parenting, education, and social discourse.


1. The Decline of Authoritative Parenting

For over half a century, developmental psychology has identified authoritative parenting as the most effective approach for raising well-adjusted children. This model, articulated by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, balances clear structure with warmth and communication. Authoritative parents set expectations, explain rules, and enforce boundaries while remaining emotionally attuned to their children. Research consistently links this approach to improved academic performance, social competence, and emotional regulation (Baumrind, Child Development, 1967; Maccoby & Martin, Handbook of Child Psychology, 1983).

However, in modern family life, this balanced model has been replaced increasingly by two extremes: permissive and authoritarian parenting.

  • Permissive Parenting: Driven by guilt, exhaustion, or a misplaced belief that unconditional freedom fosters confidence, permissive parents minimize confrontation and rarely enforce consistent rules. They often aim to be friends rather than authority figures. A 2018 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that children raised in highly permissive households often struggle with self-control and are more prone to externalizing behaviors, such as defiance and impulsivity, in structured environments like schools (Pinquart, 2018). The absence of predictable consequences leads to entitlement and difficulty respecting boundaries imposed by teachers or peers.

  • Authoritarian Parenting: Conversely, the authoritarian model emphasizes obedience, hierarchy, and punishment with limited dialogue. While this approach can foster short-term compliance, it often undermines emotional development and autonomy. A meta-analysis in Frontiers in Psychology (Kuppens & Ceulemans, 2019) found that children of authoritarian parents were more likely to exhibit aggression and bullying behaviors due to learned patterns associating control with dominance rather than empathy.


Together, these opposing distortions of parenting have produced generations of students who either resist all authority or attempt to wield it coercively. The Journal of Child and Family Studies draw’s a striking link: children of authoritarian fathers tend to become school bullies, while those of permissive mothers frequently become both perpetrators and victims (Georgiou et al., 2013). When empathy and structure are both missing, children fail to internalize moral limits.


2. The Rise of the “Not My Child” Syndrome

A second cultural shift compounding the problem is the refusal of many parents to hold their own children accountable. In the face of misbehavior, rather than addressing wrongdoing, some parents reflexively attack the institution: blaming the teacher, other students, or “an unfair system.” Psychologists describe this as externalization of blame, a process by which responsibility is continually displaced outward, depriving children of the opportunity to learn consequences and self-correction.

This reflex to shield children from any form of criticism or discipline erodes the moral scaffolding of accountability. In his book The Coddling of the American Mind (2018), social psychologist Jonathan Haidt notes that the growing tendency among parents to protect children from discomfort, whether emotional or disciplinary, has produced rising fragility and diminished resilience among youth. The message becomes: “You are never at fault.”


One of the starkest examples of societal blame reflex appeared during the 2012 Steubenville High School rape case in Ohio. When two teenage football players assaulted a 16-year-old girl, sections of the local community and social media commentary mourned the “ruined futures” of the perpetrators rather than the trauma endured by the victim. Journalist Rachel Dissell of The Cleveland Plain Dealer and a subsequent CNN commentary both observed how adult voices in the community implicitly excused horrific actions, framing them as youthful mistakes rather than crimes. This distorted compassion toward offenders over victims mirrors a culture that avoids moral confrontation, even in the face of violence.

The “Not My Child” mentality not only absolves individuals of wrongdoing; it fosters entitlement that school administrators and teachers must manage daily. Educators describe a growing pattern where parents challenge even minor disciplinary actions, threatening legal recourse or public shaming on social media. When accountability structures erode at home, schools inherit the moral vacuum.


3. The Digital Wild West: Cyberbullying and the Disinhibition Effect

If traditional parenting failures deprive children of boundaries, the digital world amplifies the consequences exponentially. Smartphones and social media have created a parallel universe that operates with minimal supervision or restraint. Online disinhibition allows children to express impulses they would suppress in person, detached from the visible pain they cause. Psychologist John Suler identified this “online disinhibition effect” in 2004, explaining how digital anonymity and lack of face-to-face feedback encourage aggression and cruelty (CyberPsychology & Behavior, 2004).

Cyberbullying’s impacts are relentless. A victim can be harassed 24/7, far beyond school walls, and the viral nature of online humiliation magnifies trauma. According to the Pew Research Center (2022), 59% of U.S. teens report experiencing some form of online harassment, and nearly half of parents admit they are unsure how to intervene or monitor their child’s activity.


Perhaps no case underscores the stakes better than that of Hannah Smith, a 14-year-old from Leicestershire, UK, who took her own life in 2013 after enduring months of anonymous torment on the social platform Ask.fm. Investigators later concluded that some messages originated from her own IP address, suggesting self-inflicted abuse—a tragic example of “digital self-harm” (BBC News, 2013). The incident spurred international debate on parental digital oversight and platform responsibility. Yet the underlying issue remained: widespread parental neglect regarding online behavior.

Effective digital parenting requires more than monitoring apps or moral lectures. It involves teaching children empathy in virtual spaces, modeling ethical technology use, and restoring digital literacy as an integral part of parenting. As the UNESCO Global Education Monitoring Report (2023) emphasizes, “digital literacy must now include emotional and ethical competencies.” Without that, online spaces become moral free zones where cruelty thrives unchecked.


4. Cultural Desensitization and the Diminishing of Empathy

Outside the home, another pervasive influence shapes children’s understanding of conflict and morality: popular culture. From reality television that glorifies humiliation to video games and social media challenges that reward aggression, today’s youth absorb daily lessons that can normalize hostility and blunt empathy.

Scholars have long debated the direct link between violent media and aggressive behavior, but substantial evidence supports a cumulative desensitization effect. The American Psychological Association’s 2015 meta-analysis concluded that exposure to violent media correlates with “decreased empathy and prosocial behavior” over time, even if it does not directly cause violent acts (APA Task Force on Violent Media, 2015). Neural studies published in Journal of Youth and Adolescence (2018) demonstrated similar findings: repeated exposure to aggression lowers emotional reactivity to others’ suffering.


The real-world manifestations of this cultural desensitization are particularly visible in social media phenomena. In 2021, a viral TikTok “challenge” known as Slap a Teacher encouraged students to assault educators while filming for online likes. Schools across multiple U.S. states reported incidents, forcing the National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP) to issue nationwide alerts to parents and platforms. This trend did not emerge spontaneously; it evolved from a digital environment that prizes attention above ethics, transforming even violent acts into performance.


Beyond viral moments, youth subcultures increasingly valorize dominance, mockery, and cynicism. What begins as humor online often metastasizes into cruelty offline. When empathy erodes at the cultural level, personal boundaries and respect become negotiable concepts. As communications scholar Sherry Turkle observed in Reclaiming Conversation (2016), constant digital connection paradoxically reduces authentic empathy by replacing human dialogue with performative interaction.


5. The Undermining of Teacher Authority

Schools are not only ground zero for student misbehavior; they are also testing grounds for how society treats authority in general. Over the last two decades, teacher authority has been dramatically eroded by policy shifts, parent activism, and public skepticism. While earlier decades favored “zero tolerance” discipline policies, recent years have seen a pendulum swing toward leniency and image management, often leaving educators with little recourse to enforce order.


The problem is not restorative justice per se, when properly applied, it promotes healing and accountability, but rather how inconsistent or undermined disciplinary systems have become. Teachers report that their decisions are frequently overridden by administrators under pressure from parents or district politics. The National Education Association (NEA) reported in 2023 that 73% of educators have considered leaving the profession due to increased workplace hostility and lack of administrative support.

A 2023 article in The Atlantic titled “The Parents Who Fight Too Much” (by Katherine Reynolds Lewis) documented how confrontational parental behavior toward school staff has surged since the pandemic. Data from NASSP revealed that 85% of U.S. school leaders encountered an uptick in “harassing behavior” from parents between 2020 and 2023. Some principals described being physically threatened or having their personal information posted online over disciplinary matters. The contagion effect is clear: when students witness parents disrespect staff, the legitimacy of school authority collapses.

This pattern is symptomatic of a broader societal impulse to challenge institutional legitimacy; from schools and law enforcement to journalism and governance. Yet when teachers are stripped of authority, classrooms lose cohesion, learning environments deteriorate, and vulnerable students suffer most. The safeguarding mission of schools cannot function where adult authority is perpetually contested.


Rebuilding the Foundations: A Shared Path Forward

Preventing school violence and restoring civility require far more than additional security or even new legislation. The tools, cameras, protocols, lockdown procedures, can mitigate harm but not prevent its genesis. What must be rebuilt is the moral infrastructure of family and community, beginning with a return to shared responsibility.


1. Parenting as Moral ArchitectureParents remain the first educators of conscience. Reinstating a balance of empathy and boundaries is essential. Clear expectations, consequence-based discipline, and active emotional presence produce resilient children better prepared to navigate structured social environments. Modern technologies also demand parental adaptation: active mediation of digital content, participation in children’s online worlds, and open discussions about empathy and ethics in virtual spaces. Organizations such as Common-Sense Media and the Cyberbullying Research Center provide practical frameworks for families seeking to restore healthy digital dialogue.


2. Reempowering EducatorsTeachers and principals require institutional backing to enforce consistent behavioral standards. Districts should adopt transparent, tiered disciplinary systems that integrate social-emotional learning (SEL) without sacrificing accountability. Programs like the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) emphasize that empathy and self-regulation must be taught explicitly and reinforced by adult example, not merely discussed abstractly. Restorative practices work best when embedded in predictable frameworks, not as substitutes for consequence.


3. Cultural Leadership and Media LiteracyCommunities must confront the moral tone set by cultural products. Policy alone cannot reshape values; cultural leadership must. Early interventions through school media literacy programs and public awareness campaigns can help youth critically evaluate online content and social influences. Media industries, too, have a duty to balance creative freedom with ethical awareness. Positive exemplars; shows, games, and influencers promoting cooperation and respect, deserve amplification equal to that given to outrage-based entertainment.


4. Accountability as a Civic VirtuePublic discourse must shift from protection of image to promotion of accountability. It is not compassion to shield children from the consequences of harm they cause; it is neglect. Similarly, community leaders should recommit to modeling responsible behavior, emphasizing that ethical conduct begins with personal ownership of choices.


Conclusion

Violence and disorder in schools do not materialize from institutional vacuum; they are reflections of societal disarray. The behaviors that unsettle classrooms are incubated long before students reach the school gate. The unwritten curriculum of empathy, accountability, and respect begins at home and is reinforced, or weakened, by cultural norms and collective example.

Rebuilding safe schools is therefore inseparable from repairing the social foundations that feed them. Parenting must move beyond avoidance and appeasement toward courage and consistency. Teachers must be trusted as partners, not adversaries. And culture must privilege empathy over spectacle.

The crisis in our schools is not solely educational; it is civilizational. Only by re-teaching responsibility, one household and one community at a time, can we restore the moral balance that will allow our classrooms, and our children to thrive.


References


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Minaz Jivraj MSc., C.P.P., C.F.E., C.F.E.I., C.C.F.I.-C., I.C.P.S., C.C.T.P.

Disclaimer:The information provided in this blog/article is for general informational purposes only and reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is not intended as legal advice and should not be relied upon as such. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the content, the author makes no representations or warranties about its completeness or suitability for any particular purpose. Readers are encouraged to seek professional legal advice specific to their situation.

 
 

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